


5 lives Nagito told hajime he loves him and one where hajime says it back

by bvoakd



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - 1930s, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Idk like there’s one in the 1800s or some shit, Komahina - Freeform, M/M, Reincarnation, Unrequited Love, and on a lot of meds, i just really like saying fag so like that’s why I put it in, i wrote this three years ago and just edited it today, if you can figure out what fandom/ship this was originally for idk props to you ig, im gay so dw, im not good at writing anymore ;-;, im so tired, then like canon universe, theres like a modern setting, theres one with like the moon launch or whatever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:41:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24730987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bvoakd/pseuds/bvoakd
Summary: Nagito falls in love with hajime over and over again.Over several lives he says I love you 5 timesWhat happens in the six life when hajime says it back?
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 8
Kudos: 112





	5 lives Nagito told hajime he loves him and one where hajime says it back

**Author's Note:**

> A 5+1 fic where Nagito falls in love with hajime 5 times and where hajime says I love you back once

1.

Komaeda was betrothed to the princess of the land his country was warring against. He did not love her nor she him. But they would do it to put their two countries at ease. They would sacrifice their own happiness for their countries.

Hinata was Komaeda’s servant, but Komaeda didn’t think of him that way. Komaeda thought of Hinata as his closest friend and confident. His cousin always warned him of how scandalous it would be if word of their friendship got out or how it may disgrace the lives of his long dead parents, the king and queen. Komaeda was not supposed to talk to Hinata but he couldn’t help himself. Something about the boy was alluring and he couldn’t keep himself away. Whenever he saw him he would smile and his stomach would flutter.

But Hinata was Komaeda’s servant. They could never be close in the way Komaeda desired.

…

“Komaeda-sama?” Hinata whispered as he cracked open the prince's door with a soft knock to alert him he was there.

Komaeda perked up upon hearing his voice but pretended to be asleep. His back was facing Hinata so he let himself smile. God, the things this boy did to him. He heard the quiet thud of metal being placed on wood.

“Komaeda?” He repeated, sounding closer. Komaeda continued to “sleep”, hoping that Hinata might have to shake him awake. The things he did for even the slightest contact between the two. He lived and breathed for the prospect of even a hug from his servant.

“Komaeda.” He whispered into the prince’s ear, causing a shiver to go down Komaeda’s spine. He rolled over and found himself inches away from the other boy’s face. He thought of how if he just pushed forward a little he might be able to touch the others mouth to his own. He smiled once again.

“Hi, Hinata.” He whispered through his smile, resulting in a grin from his friend that caused his face to go red and his heartbeat to quicken.

“Hi.” They just stayed where they were for what would, by most, be considered inappropriate, but it was all they had.

Komaeda eventually sat up, his covers sliding off of him as he did so, revealing his bare chest. He tried to subtly look at Hinata to gage his reaction and was delighted to find the boy’s face a beautiful hue of pink. He slept without a shirt specifically for these occasions. While he slept he thought of that pink. It was his favorite color.

Komaeda leaned forward and whispered in his servant’s ear, voice raspy, “Do you like what you see, Hajime?” 

His servant turned his head away and cleared his throat, “I-i was sent to help you get ready. For your… wedding.” As he said the last word his face fell a bit and it left a bad taste in his mouth.

The other boy sighed. When he was married he and Hinata would no longer be able to talk. Sonia would never allow it. Such friendships weren’t fit for royalty. Although Komaeda liked to think it was slightly more than a friendship.

Even though Komaeda was upset, he knew Sonia was behind sending Hinata up. Sonia knew that it would be his last chance to ever see the boy.

“Nagito- My Prince. Are you ok?”

“Please Hajime, you know you don’t have to call me your prince. I’m always just Nagito for you. You’re special to me,” Komaeda whispered because he knew if he said it louder it would break the moment, he reached his hand up to cradle the other boy’s cheek and internally swooned when Hinata leaned into his palm, “I love you.” He said it barely loud enough to be heard but he knew Hinata had still heard him.

His eyes went wide and he pulled himself away from Komaeda , “No. I- we can’t. You- you’d get in so much trouble! Please. Please take it back. Say you don’t mean it, that it’s not true. It’s best for both of us. Please.” He pleaded with shining hazel eyes. Tears beginning to form that somehow made his eyes sparkle even more. But Komaeda didn’t like this sparkle. He didn’t like the meaning behind it. He didn’t like that he caused it.

Komaeda stood up and walked towards him again, “But it is. I love you so, so much. I could never love anyone the way I love you. I can’t lose you without letting you know how I truly feel. Please, Hajime, please, I know you feel the same… I-I need to hear it from you just once. I know this could only make things worse, but I can’t go forward knowing how I feel without being able to say it once.” Komaeda grasped the other boy’s face in his hands, shaking. He had to know. Before he never saw him again.

“Nagito, I-I can’t do this.” He said as he started walking towards the door, tears in his eyes, “I’ll send someone else up to prepare you. Today is the most important day of your life.”

As the door started to close Komaeda whispered a tearful, “Goodbye.”

…

Komaeda never saw him again.

~~~~~~

2.

As Komaeda’s eyes wandered across the bar he noticed a boy with stunning hazel eyes. He was talking exuberantly to two beautiful women beside him. Komaeda watched as the boy’s animated hands moved to and fro with each word he said. When he smiled Komaeda found himself smiling.

“Go talk to him.” Said a voice beside him.

“What?” Keith startled, eyes wide.

“Talk to him. I won’t tell anyone.” The short girl said with a wink. Her pink hair hovered just above her shoulders, curling up at the ends and she fidgeted uncomfortably in her long dark blue dress.

“Well? What are you waiting for? Go over there!” She exclaimed, shooing Komaeda away.

As Komaeda was pushed in the boy’s direction, hazel eyes fell upon him. He trailed the boy’s movements as he turned towards him and looked him over.

As Komaeda came closer he noticed a faint blush on Hazel’s face. The girls who were around him started to sneer and whisper to each other as they watched the exchange.

“Hello.” Hazel said in a raspy voice.

“Hi.” Komaeda smiled shyly. He sat down next to Hazel, their thighs slightly pressed together.

“May I ask what your name is?” He said leaning in closer.

Komaeda blushed at how close the man had gotten, “Komaeda.” He said shyly, not able to look directly at Hazel as he said it.

“Well, hello Komaeda. I’m Hinata.” Hazel, Hinata, smiled dashingly, causing heat to pool in Komaeda’s gut.

They stayed in silence a moment longer before Komaeda blurted out, “What do you do? For a living that is?”

“I do a little bit of everything,” Hinata said with a shrug, “I meet a lot of people, but you are the most intriguing by far.” 

Komaeda’s eyes widened, “W-what?” He stuttered out, face flushed as he stared open mouthed at the man with deep hazel eyes.

Hinata fixes Komaeda with a strange look and repeated himself, voice lower this time, “I said that I find you intriguing.There’s something about you that makes me unable to take my eyes off you. I feel there is so much more of you I need to learn about.”

“You’re quite fascinating as well...” Komaeda whispered as he stared intensely into his drink, too embarrassed that someone like him was being complimented and that he felt he was worthy to return the compliment to look into Hinata’s eyes.

Hinata chuckled lowly, a soft and beautiful thing, “I’m not that interesting, but if a man such as yourself says so, I feel inclined to believe it.”

Komaeda blushed, noticing how much closer he had gotten to the other man. He looked around the bar and found practically everyone staring at them. Absolutely aghast.

“I, um, have to go.” Komaeda stuttered before he pushed his stool away and rushed out of the building.

As he walked home he thought of those pure, hazel eyes. It was better, he thought, that he had left. Best to push those feelings back and forget about Hinata.

...

He never forgot about Hinata.

…

Months later he ran into a familiar pair of hazel eyes. A pair of hazel eyes that sent his heart into a flurry as he crashed on top of the other man.

“Hinata.” He gasped, quite literally breathless, and he wished he could say it was from the fall. Although, it was a little bit due to the fall, just mostly due to the handsome man he now found himself on top of.

“Well, hello Komaeda. Pleasure running into you like this.” He smirked.

Komaeda looked down at their position and found himself with his legs between Hinata’s and his hands right next to his head. Where they would be if they were to kiss. He banished the thought. Komaeda struggled upwards and blushed.

He brushed himself off and offered a hand to the other man. Hinata took it and pulled himself up.

It was night so Komaeda couldn’t see much but what he could see was bright hazel eyes and a tan chest. 

“You-you’re not wearing a shirt.” Komaeda stuttered ever so intelligently. He really was an embarrassment.

“Well, I typically don’t at 2 am to get the mail. There’s not normally people out and about. What are you doing awake?”

“I, um, had to return a book to a friend.”

“You shouldn’t be walking alone this late at night, it’s not exactly safe.” Hinata exclaimed, sounding shocked, “I’ll walk you the rest of the way and back.”

“No! I mean you don’t have to do that!” Komaeda practically shouted, panicking, not knowing if he could be alone with the man for too long before he acted on a bad impulse.

“Don’t worry about it! Take it as a thanks for your company.” As he said it he stretched a little, sore from the fall, and a deep dark part of Komaeda hoped he was flirting, but the rest of him knew that if he was, there would be horrible consequences. He also knew that he did not deserve it.

Komaeda sighed and wrung his hands, “Fine…”

Hinata’s face lit up in a way that had red rushing to Komaeda’s ears. He thanked every god he could think of for the darkness that muted the color on his face. His luck truly was fantastic.

On the walk they scarcely talked. Occasionally Hinata would chime in with little questions like “What’s the name of your friend?”  _ Sonia _ . “How did you meet?”  _ She’s my cousin, her family practically raised me after my parents died. _ “You’re an orphan? I’m so sorry.”  _ It’s not your fault and I’m still alive, not that I deserve to be, so it’s not that big of a deal. _ “Of course it’s a big deal! It’s sad that you had to know what it was like to live as a happy family then have that taken from you!”  _ … I guess _ .

When they get to the house Lance stands next to Komaeda, their hands occasionally brushing together. Komaeda knocked on the door and after a few moments a disheveled looking Sonia opened the door.

“Oh. Hello Nagito.” She said as she rubbed her eyes and yawned delicately.

“Hi Sonia. Um, here’s your book.” Komaeda stuttered as he hastily handed the book to Sonia. All too aware of Hinata’s hand carefully tugging on his locks of stark white hair.

“Who’s this?” Sonia asked, also noticing.

Hinata immediately withdrew his hand, like he hadn’t realized what he was doing, and Komaeda mourned the absence of his comforting touch.

“This is Hinata. He’s a…”  _ what was Hinata to him? They had only met twice but Komaeda felt for him what he had never felt for another, _ “Close friend.”

Sonia arched her eyebrow, clearly knowing that was not the whole truth but deciding to drop it, “Alright then. Good night, Nagito. Pleasure to meet you, Hinata.”

“You as well.” Hinata said as he shook Sonia’s hand.

…

“This is where you live?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow.” Hinata breathed, staring up at the large building. Komaeda looked to the side and as he looked at Hinata’s profile, it was far lovelier than the building, he felt something seize his heart. Something warming and unlike anything he had ever felt.

“God, I think I love you.” Komaeda murmured without thinking.

Hinata’s eyes widened and he turned to face Komaeda, “What?”

The taller boy froze, suddenly fully aware of what he said. He’d only met Hinata twice! That’s hardly enough to fall in love! And with a man nonetheless! What would people think? Komaeda couldn’t believe he’d done something so stupid, it was far more stupid than even the expectation of stupidity he held himself to.

“Komaeda?” The way Hinat said his name sounded so familiar that Komaeda had to fight the urge to step forward and kiss him.

“I-“ 

“Komaeda, we can’t be like that. You know that.”

“But-“

“No. I’m sorry. I-I thought we were just having fun.”

Komaeda’s heart shattered. He felt tears coming and he quickly blinked them away. He had no reason to be upset, he barely knew Hinata! And they could never possibly be together, no matter how much he had hoped for it.

“Yeah.” Komaeda whispered, not trusting his voice enough to say more.  _ Stupid, stupid, stupid. _

“Goodbye, Komaeda...” But Komaeda wasn’t listening. He wasn’t listening to hear the heartbreak that dripped from Hinata’s words. He wasn’t listening to hear the quiet sob as he walked away. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. He never will again.

… 

He let himself cry when he got to his room. Letting tears roll down his cheeks as he quietly tried to calm himself down and make a tea.

Why did he have to ruin everything good? Why wasn’t Komaeda good enough for him? After all he’d been through, losing his parents, being kidnapped, cancer, teaching himself to never hope, he still just couldn’t help himself. Why, why,  _ why? _

He would never let himself feel that way again. He would never let his heart be broken like that again. He had to promise himself that. It was all he had. The ability to shroud his emotions.

By the time he was done thinking, his tea had run cold.

…

As Komaeda watched his bride walk down the aisle a numb feeling took over him. He could never love this woman the way she deserved. 

He looked out over the audience, his closest friends and family, though he had practically none, every muscle in his body screaming for him to run. As he turned his head back to face his bride he saw hazel eyes. Brilliant hazel eyes that could only belong to one person.

He felt himself start to smile. He felt his heart start to open back up. He felt himself start to feel  _ that way _ again.

…

After the ceremony Komaeda looked everywhere for him to no avail.

He sat against the wall, knees pulled up to his chest. He’d let himself get heartbroken again.

… 

Komaeda never saw Hinata again.

~~~~~~

3.

Komaeda always let himself get dragged along. Whenever a pretty face showed up he became smitten. He found himself willing to do most anything for his lovers. No matter how unpleasant he found it.

It was different with Hinata. Hinata never wanted Komaeda to do something he didn’t want to. Hell, Hinata didn’t want to do anything  _ without _ Komaeda. They were always together, completely inseparable. Their friends knew about them but never said anything. They were good like that. As long as Komaeda and Hinata were happy they felt no need to interfere, and Komaeda and Hinata were very happy.

Hinata pulled Komaeda by the wrist through the arcade. They were finally starting to run out of tokens and Hinata wanted to use them on the photo booth.

“Please, Nagito! It’d be so much fun! We can take a picture together! We can actually act like a couple!” Hinata had whispered excitedly into his boyfriend's ear. Komaeda eventually gave in because he was completely smitten. When that boy smiled, Komaeda could feel his heart melt into a mushy puddle with his remaining sanity.

“Fine.” Komaeda had sighed with a smile, watching the dazzling smile that seized Hinata’s face at his words.

…

They stepped out of the photo booth slightly flushed as Hinata quickly moved to grab their pictures before anyone else could see them.

“Let’s look at these when we get back to my house.” Hinata had whispered in his ear, causing a shiver to go down Komaeda’s spine.

…

Komaeda stared at Hinata’s focused face from the passenger seat of his convertible. Komaeda thought he always looked most handsome when he was focused. The way his eyebrows pulled together slightly and his mouth turned down into a concentrated frown. 

Music played quietly on the radio, wind whipping through their hair. The road was dry and empty so Komaeda intertwined his fingers with Hinata’s. Hinata looked down at their hands and smiled at him and Komaeda’s heart turned into that melty puddle once more. This boy drove him insane.

“Hey, Nagito?” Hinata asked, not taking his eyes off the road.

“Yeah?”

“You’re great.”

He felt a bubble of anxiety pop up, “But?” He truly wasn’t great. Whatever was going to come next he knew it wouldn’t be good, whether it was immediately or sometime soon, it was just his luck.

“No but. I just think you’re swell.” Hinata said, turning his head to face him, smiling confidently.

“Oh.” Komaeda mumbled, impossibly falling harder for him. He still felt that sinking feeling in his gut.

…

“You sure you don’t want me to drop you off at your place?” Hinata questioned between kisses.

“I’m sure, Hajime. I can handle myself.” Komaeda pouted slightly but not for long before Hinata was sweeping in for another kiss.

He was pressed up against the wall next to Hinata’s back door. He giggled as the other boy kissed along his neck, sucking a little spot onto his collarbone. A reminder that he was Hinata’s, like he could forget.

They didn’t hear the door open. 

“God, Hajime, I love you.” Komaeda breathed, voice raspy.

They didn’t see Hinata’s mother staring at them.

“I lo-“ the other boy started.

They only noticed her when she gasped loudly.

“Hajime! What are you doing?”

“Mom! Uh- I was-“

“Fooling around with this little… fag?!”

“He’s not a fag, mom!”

“Oh then what is he, Hajime Hinata? Your- your  _ boyfriend _ ?” She spat.

“Well-“

“Hajime! Absolutely not! I will have none of that- that  _ homosexuality _ in this household!” She hissed, whispering the last part out of fear of the neighbors hearing.

“Mom, please,” Hinata pleaded, stepping closer to his mother, “He’s special to me. I’ve never been this happy before.”

Hope bloomed in Hinata’s gut as he watched his mother’s face soften for a moment, but it was immediately squashed when her face reverted back to disgust.

“You.” She said, pointing an accusing finger at Komaeda, who hadn’t said a word since the exchange started, “I don’t want you near my son, my family or this house ever again.”

Komaeda’s heart shattered, tears starting to pool in his eyes.

“But, mom!” Hinata cried.

“And you!” She said wheeling around to face Hinata again, “You will never step foot around him or anyone he associates with again! I will not have him turning you this way again!”

“Mom, he didn’t turn me this way! This is just how i am!” He exclaimed. His mother’s face turned from disgust to revulsion.

“No son of mine will be a homosexual. You either go with him and never come back here or you stay with me and do as I say.” She demanded.

Hinata looked between his mother and Komaeda. He hung his head and walked to his mother’s side, unable to look his now ex-boyfriend in the eye.

“Wise choice.” She said curtly as she dragged her son inside.

Komaeda let himself lean back into the wall, falling to the ground. He held his head in his hands and tried to hold back a sob. He knew Hinata loved his family and would choose them in a second, and Komaeda was ok with that, but it didn’t stop it from hurting any less.

As he walked away, having cried every tear he had, he caught sight of stunning hazel eyes through the window. He waved sadly, and smiled a bit when the hazel eyes waved back. The eyes were red and swollen, causing another stream of tears to work their way to Komaeda’s eyes.

He walked home, kicking at rocks. When he fell and scraped his palms and shins up he felt thankful for the pain, it was a break from the sudden numbness he felt.

When he got back to the safety of his room he took the pictures from the photo booth that Hinata had given him out. He looked at each picture for a long time, reminiscing each stolen kiss, each subtle brush of hands. He let out a pained sob.

He’d never felt heartbreak like this before and yet the feeling and the accompanying numbness felt familiar to him.

…

He never saw Hinata again.

~~~~~~

4.

Komaeda and Hinata. Hinata and Komaeda. Never one without the other, inseparable since birth. That hadn’t changed for 17 years, and hopefully never would.

Komaeda watched as Hinata exuberantly gestured while he talked to Chiaki and the way his eyes sparkled when he ranted about the space shuttle launch. He’d wanted to be an astronaut for as long as Komaeda could remember. 

When they were kids Hinata would always demand they play astronauts. His mom had made him a spaceship out of a recycled cardboard box. Hinata would drag Komaeda into the ship and shake it as wildly as he could. Komaeda would complain but he always had fun. Even if he felt a little motion-sick afterwards.

Sonia fixed Komaeda with a strange look, noticing him staring at Hinata.

“You okay?” Sonia asked him, scared he was sick, as he often was.

“Hmm? Yeah I’m fine.” Komaeda hummed. Sonia had snapped him out of his thoughts and now he could no longer remember what he was thinking about.

“Ok…” Sonia didn’t believe him.

Hinata suddenly turned to Komaed, “They’re on the moon!” He said excitedly, grabbing Komaeda’s shoulders, eyes shining with excitement.

_ Oh, right.  _

That’s what he had been thinking about _. _

“Yeah, they are.” He said breathless from his friends warm touch.

“Are you sick? Your face is awful red?” Concern clouded his eyes as he placed a hand to Komaeda’s forehead, “You’re burning up! Nagito, go home! You need to rest!” 

“I’m fine!” He protested, waving Hinata’s hands away from his face. He most definitely  _ wasn’t  _ fine. His brain felt like it was melting and he could barely think straight. No pun intended.

“I-I’m gonna go… wash my face.” Komaeda stuttered as he abruptly got up from the table.

“Um, okay?”

Komaeda hurried away from his friends, ignoring the strange looks that followed him. He rushed into the bathroom, the loud slam of the door hitting the wall jarring him from his current mental spiral. He walked up to the sink and stared into the mirror before splashing water onto his face.  _ What was wrong with him? _

Komaeda let out a tired sigh, not noticing the presence next to him.

“Nagito? What’s wrong?” Sonia was concerned and Komaeda could practically feel the paternal energy dripping off her.

“Y-you can’t be in here Sonia!” He squeaked, looking around to check there was no one else around.

“I don’t care. Tell me what is wrong this instance, Nagito Komaeda!” She could be very authoritative when she wanted to be.

“Promise you won’t tell anyone?” He asked tentatively. God, if anyone else was in this bathroom his life could be in danger.

“Of course. You’re my baby cousin, I’ll love and protect you no matter what.” She put a reassuring hand on Komaeda’s shoulder and felt just how shaky he was.

“Even… even if I liked men?” Komaeda was terrified as soon as the words left his mouth. He watched as his older cousin’s eyes widened. Panic. That was what Komaeda was feeling. He started to try and think of ways to play it off as a joke. When he found none, his breaths started to come out faster and he tried to push past Sonia to get to the door. Someone grabbed his arm.

“Nagito,” Sonia said firmly, causing him to freeze. He turned towards his cousin, his protector, and closed his eyes not wanting to see her expression. “Open your eyes.”

He opened them and saw a soft face looking back at him. He was relieved to see that his cousin wasn’t disgusted with him. 

“You’re my cousin. I’ll love you no matter what.” Sonia repeated, pulling Komaeda into a hug. Komaeda wrapped his arms around the shorter woman and buried his head into her hair, letting a few tears fall.

“Thank you.” He whispered.

…

“Komaeda you can’t just change the rules every time you start to lose!” Chiaki screamed. They were playing monopoly, which he happened to suck at.

“You can’t stop me!” Komaeda said leaning back in his chair.

“So help me, I will duct tape your mouth shut.” She said, placing her hands on the table, glaring at Komaeda. Chiaki always got heated when games were involved.

“You wouldn’t!”

“OH THATS IT!” She was suddenly climbing over the table and Komaeda was shooting up from his chair screaming.

Souda grabbed Chiaki at the waist just barely stopping her from clawing Komaeda’s eyes out. Hinata pulled him away from her and sat on the couch with him, pulling him close and staring at Chiaki with what can only be described as pure terror.

He stared at him, at his bright hazel eyes which never failed to look absolutely dazzling. Komaeda momentarily forgot that his life was most definitely in danger and relaxed into Hinata, laying his head on his shoulder. Hinata placed a hand onto his head and started playing with the long hairs at the back of his head. Komaeda let out a sigh and Hinata looked at him perplexedly.

“What?”

“Just happy you’re here is all.”

Hinata smiled down at him, “Alright then.”

…

It started with things like that and honestly Komaeda had no idea how it took so long to figure out he loved Hinata. It was so obvious, from how he looked at him to how his stomach fluttered whenever Hinata would smile.

It was awful that as soon as Komaeda had figured it out, Hinata decided to spend all of his time with him. He wouldn’t give him a little time to just sort through his feelings for a bit. Komaeda complained to Sonia about this but she just maintained that they were hanging out no more than they usually did. 

Komaeda felt like every moment he spent with Hinata was somehow the longest and shortest of his life. As things were happening he felt like they went on for hours but once they were over Komaeda always found himself wanting more. This wanting only grew every time he saw his hazel-eyed friend.

Everything about loving Hinaga felt so familiar, so safe. Like it was just always meant to happen. To some extent Komaeda wished he’d never realized because with that came the realization that Hinata would never return those feelings.

As Komaeda was thinking this Hinata was sleeping on the couch beside him. They had fallen asleep watching  _ 2001: A Space Odyssey _ and Hinata was now snoring softly beside him.

Komaeda stared at him as he slept, he knew it was creepy but he was never going to get more and he felt like it was the universe repaying him for the hell it had put him through. 

He watched the steady rise and fall of the other boy’s chest and let out a quiet sigh, “I love you so much, but you can never know. I want nothing more than to be able to hold you close to me and kiss your pretty lips just to get them to stop moving for a second, but i can never do that. There’s so many things i can’t do that i want to and it feels like the universe is screwing me over just because it can and it sucks. Falling in love with you felt natural like it’s always been meant to happen. It felt like I’d done it 3 times before. Maybe in another life, when bears talk and blonde teenage girls take over the world, we could fall in love, but that doesn’t matter now, does it?” He laughed a bitter sweet thing, “It’s truly unfair. Falling in love with someone as beautiful as you that is. Because everytime you laugh or smile it feels like stars are being born right inside my belly and it makes me queasy but so, so happy. And everytime your sad i just want to make all your problems disappear because i don’t like seeing you like that, so vulnerable. It makes me so mad that i can’t fix it with a kiss or tell you how much i love you to make your frown go away. It makes me mad that i can’t tell you at all.

I’m telling you now. While you’re asleep, because I’m too much of coward to tell you while your awake, but god. You do horrible, terrible, amazing, and beautiful things to me Hajime Hinata. I love you and i don’t think i can ever say it enough.”

…

Komaeda wakes up to Hinata’s body gone from the chair but movement in the kitchen. He remembers what he did and runs a hand through his hair.  _ I told a sleeping boy that i loved him. That’s not good. It couldn’t possibly get worse than this. _

He stood up, rubbed the sleep from his eyes and walked towards the kitchen.

He leaned in the doorway and watched Hinata bustle about his kitchen, he looked stiff but the couch was never a great place to sleep.

“Good morning, Hajims.” Komaeda said as he walked to join his friend.

“O-oh, hi Nagito.” Hinata turned quickly to him and practically gave Komaeda whiplash just from watching how fast he spun.

“How’d you sleep?”

“You know i don’t like boys right.”

Komaeda’s heart shattered, “Of course.” Hinata had heard him. Hinata had heard him pour his heart out to him while he thought he was asleep and he didn’t feel the same way. Komaeda knew he wouldn’t but it didn’t stop it from feeling like his heart had been torn straight from his body.

“O-okay. Good. ‘Cus i don’t.”

Komaeda looked at him sadly, “I know, Hajime.”  _ But for some reason i love you anyway _ .

…

Hajime had a girlfriend. Of course he did. He was handsome and charming and not afraid to put himself out there. Komaeda was happy for him, but his heart ached.

…

Hajime still had his girlfriend and they were in love. Her name was Enoshima. She had a strange accent and was absolutely stunning. Komaeda was happy for him, but his heart ached.

…

Hajime had a fiancé. Hajime had a fiancé and wanted Komaeda to be his best man. Komaeda said yes, of course because despite everything Hajime was the best friend he’d ever had and all he wanted was for him to be happy. Even if it couldn’t be with him. And Komaeda was happy for him, but his heart still ached.

…

Hajime was married. He was married to a confusing girl named Junko Enoshima and Komaeda didn’t know how much longer he could be happy for him. His heart ached.

…

Hajime had a kid and he and Komaeda got into a fight. He cried to Sonia about it. He was getting too old for feelings this immature, but he still found his heart aching.

…

Hajime was no longer friends with Komaeda and Komaeda’s heart ached.

…

He never saw Hajime again.

~~~~~~

5.

God Komaeda loved Bluetooth. He could carry six coffees at once and talk to his beautiful boyfriend at the same time. A miracle really.

_ “Komaeda, baby, i can’t make it to dinner tonight.” _

“What? Why?” Komaeda had stopped walking. In the middle of the sidewalk. A dick move really.

_ “The business is really busy today and i probably won’t be able to get out of it til two. And that’s if people are on time…” _ Komaeda had no idea what Izuru did. He never mentioned it by name and Komaeda was pretty sure it was illegal. He wasn’t gonna complain though, if it was gonna keep his ass in fine clothes he wasn’t gonna shit on it.

“Hmm, ok fine, but you gotta cook dinner next time.”

_ “Bro do you want me to burn down our apartment?” _

“Don’t call me bro six hours after you had your dick down my throat.”

_ “Ouch.” _

Komaeda rolled his eyes and turned around, not seeing the body quickly approaching him, “Ok, you idiot. I love you, bye.”

“ _ Love you t-“ _

Suddenly Komaeda was on the ground, covered in six cups of- thankfully- now cold coffee.

A handsome guy was quickly hopping off of him, “We just met and I’d hardly call this a good time to say our first ‘i love you’” the guy said awkwardly, probably in reflex more than anything , holding out his hand to help Komaeda up.

Komaeda refused to take it instead pushing himself up and snarling at the guy, “Dude why weren’t you watching where you were going?!”

“Dude why were you standing in the middle of the sidewalk? That’s a dick move, really.” The guy said, all niceties gone from his voice. 

“Whatever, i gotta go get new coffees.” Komaeda stormed away.

“Bye asswipe!” He heard in the distance as he stuck up his middle finger.

Komaeda couldn’t shake the feeling he knew the guy though. If he did that’d be an unpleasant next meeting.

  
  
  
  
  
  


~~~~~~

+1

_ “Hey! Can you hear me?” _

…

**What the fuck?**

Within a day Hajime Hinata found himself with a new friend, a tropical island paradise, and a killing game.

…

_ “Yep! I did it! I’m the killer!” _

…

Things turned sour pretty quickly for the island residents.

Byakyua was the first to be offed. Teruteru his killer. And for some reason Nagito Komaeda had tried to let the killer escape.

Why? Komaeda had seemed like such a nice guy. He had been so caring with Hajime, how could he also be this batshit hope freak he revealed himself to be during the class trial?

…

_ “You’re not going to feed me?” _

...

Nagito Komaeda had been tied up and trapped in the old hotel by Nekomaru and Kazuichi.

Half of Hajime understood why, the other half was very ashamedly turned on by the sight of the tied up boy in front of him.

Damn Mahiru Koizumi for putting him in this situation.

Just because seeing Nagito tied up gave him jerk off material for weeks doesn’t mean he has a crush on him.

Nope. It couldn’t. Hajime simply wouldn’t allow it.

…

_ “TWILIGHT SYNDROME MURDER CASE! Upupupupupu!” _

…

So… Mahiru killed Fuyuhiko’s sister? Or helped someone get away with it? 

Hajime’s brain hurt.

Figuring out how Peko had killed Mahiru was almost as hard as any geometry class for Hajime. The revelation of Fuyuhiko and Peko’s relationship just confused Hajime even more.

Not to mention how Nagito’s behavior just kept getting stranger. Despite how he acted during trials, Nagito seemed to be a fairly normal guy.

Hajime found himself seeking out Nagito’s company more and more. Justifying it to himself by saying it was to keep an eye on him.

The way Nagito talked about the other ultimates felt strange to Hajime. He felt… jealous?

**No.**

How could he be jealous? Nagito sung his praises about Hajime the most out of everyone! It made him feel good, that even if he doubted himself Nagito would be there to pick him back up.

Not that he wanted that. He just liked the praise!

…Not that he had a praise kink or anything.

…

_ “Go away! I hate you! I want you to leave!” _

…

Nagito had the despair disease. And he didn’t want Hajime near him. It hurt his feelings to think that someone he thought cared about him can’t stand to be around him…

**No, that’s wrong!**

God why was Hajime’s inner monologue so annoying?

Nagito has the liar’s disease right? So everything he said was a lie?

Did that mean he had wanted Hajime to stay? That he… loved Hajime?

No that’s ridiculous! He must have meant he just appreciated his friendship! Yeah, that must be it!

Though thinking that Nagito  _ had _ meant he loved Hajime, sent his heart into a flurry and brought heat to his face.

Ha, not that he  _ wanted  _ Nagito to love him or anything…

But it would be nice…

Maybe Hajime liked Nagito a bit.

Oh, yeah, and three more people are dead.

…

_ “From the bottom of my heart I am truly in love with the hope that sleeps inside you” _

…

What the fuck?  _ What the fuck?  _ **_What the fuck?_ **

Nagito loved Hajime? Well, the “hope sleeping inside him” whatever the fuck that means. Hajime is pretty sure it just meant Nagito loves him.

That’s what he hoped it meant.

Well now Nagito hates him because he doesn’t have a talent.

That hurt.

Hajime definitely likes Nagito, and now Nagito hates him.

…

_ “Please… call me the Ultimate Hope.” _

…

Nagito is dead.

He killed himself.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

He never got to tell him how he felt.

…

As Nagito watched the spear fall into his guts, he cried.

That’s all he remembers.

Somehow he’s alive now.

He’s alive and the face of Izuru Kamukura is staring at him. No… Hajime Hinata? Both? Nagito didn’t have a clue.

“Why am I alive?”

“It was all fake.”

Nagito was growing increasingly angry, he thought he had finally escaped, that he was finally free.

“Kill me.”

“What?” Hajime looked genuinely perplexed, “Why would I do that? I just woke you up.”

Nagito started to cry, “What do you mean why?! I’m dying Hajime! I told you this! I don’t want to die slowly. I don’t want to have to keep living with this luck cycle that affects not only me, but everyone around me!”

Nagito grabbed Hajime’s shirt, tears pouring down his face, “Please… I know I’ve done nothing to deserve your mercy, but please Hajime, kill me.”

“No.”

“What?”

“I’m not going to kill you!”

“Why? Am I not just a burden to you? To everyone on this island?!”

“Not to me!”

“...”

“God, Nagito, when you died in there, my heart broke. Somehow I came to love you in that game. I really, really love you Nagito.”

“No you don’t.”

“What? What do you mean I don’t love you?”

“Someone as amazing as you couldn’t love scum like me! It would be too good! Half the world would have to die for something that good to happen to me! You don’t love me! I’m sorry that I’ve tricked you into thinking you do…”

Hajime grabbed Nagito’s hands, “I do love you. So, so much. You didn’t trick me into it! I’m not any better than you! We’ve all done absolutely atrocious things. If you’re bad, I’m worse. I love you. We’re both terrible though, so… maybe let’s become better together?”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for a kinda cop out ending I’m tired and it’s been three years since I’ve written anything other then an essay  
> uhhhhhh also really sorry the ending is so bad, i had to write it from scratch and like i said i am no longer good at writing, especially at 1:30am


End file.
